So, let us consider that the first part of change then is DENIAL. We have wired ourselves to think in this way. “There is nothing wrong, let’s get over it!”It is solely up to us to decide how long we stay in the first stage. Some of us stay for a very long time, ignoring all the signs that continually pop up in front of us that says, “This does not work.” There is a point though where denial just does not make it. Too many repetitions of the same empty feelings continually send us those messages of fake and unhappiness.
Process of Change
Part 1: Denial
Part 2: Psychological Awareness
It feels like it takes forever to get through the denial part of a Change. We can become so stubborn and do not want to see something about life that we need to change but somehow, slowly it creeps into us that we have a problem that we need to face. After repeating the same cycle time after time, we begin to identify that we are in trouble. We cannot escape it. We have problems! This is the second stage of change that we call: The Awareness.
We cannot avoid it any longer. No amount of denial works and nothing else can take us away from accepting this awareness. it just has repeated itself too many times. We are sinking into a horrible place in life and we need to keep the awareness alive. It is our only chance of movement to save ourselves from this awful repetition. Yet, being able to look at our self is so painful at times. We do not want to be this person that is staring at us in the mirror. We all want to see our self with ‘blind eyes” for it feels so much better than to face our problems!
Part 3: Confusion
We have gone through our denial that there is a problem, struggling to accept that there is something that we need to change. We have fought ourselves long enough that there is nothing wrong in our life. Now we see it; we see that there are some emotional and psychological issues that we need to attend to. No longer are we in denial of our life!
The problem is what do we do with the information that we have discovered about our dysfunction? Yes, we do need to label this as dysfunction for it has kept us stuck for such a long time. Where does the answer come from? We have identified the problem but what do we do about it. it all seems to be so confusing. We have now arrived at the third stage of change” CONFUSION!” Sometimes we even say to ourselves”Why did I even try and figure this out when I just have no answers to get myself out of this “mess” that is going on in my life.”
Part 4: Heart Awareness (Acceptance)
It seems as if we are always caught up in some mess about how we are ever going to now change something that has been inside of us all our life. What are we supposed to do with this? It can be so frustrating to now know the issue and not be able to find the answer. We definitely need to see, though, that we are progressing in change because we can identify a problem where as before we were blind to it all. We need to stop beating ourselves up for not now being perfect. Do you see how it jumps from one place to another?
We have to go through this as it is such an important stage of change. Identifying this for ourselves and we will make it easier to actually see the process. We are now coming into another part of the change. Once we flip- flop with the confusion, gradually the light starts to come through( don’t as me why, it is one of those things that just does) and we are beginning to accept the issue and we start to feel better. Feeling an issue that we have refused to accept is impossible and now we get to this “AH”HA” moment of self-discovery.
This is what change is really about getting to an acceptance of who we are and what issues we have to deal with. Once we get here, we will find a answer to how we change it. The issue becomes so much clearer to us now!